Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
