I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
