dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
