Cold hands, warm shart.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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