Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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