I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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