He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
