She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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