i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
