I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
