i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
