so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
