It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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