when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
