I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
