He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
