If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
