And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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