Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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