I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
