oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
