apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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