Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
