You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
