from now on my penis is your penis
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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