She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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