Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
