yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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