Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i may or may not be watching the land before time
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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