I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
