Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
