she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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