So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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