Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
