if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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