Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
