Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
