dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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