Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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