You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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