She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
