just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
