drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
