Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
