didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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