meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
