we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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