I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
