HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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