Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
