I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
