you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
