the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
