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I am full of burrito and curiosity
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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