We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
