the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize