she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
