I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
