I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so let's talk penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
