i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
