from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
