I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
