No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
