Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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