Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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