and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
