Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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