the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
