I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
