You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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