were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
