you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
