Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
