Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
