when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
